Why not eat the apple?

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Bosch – The Garden of Earthly Delights

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung

Did humankind develop speech and thus awareness, which brought knowledge of the consequences of our actions? Was it worth eating that fruit of awareness in that ancient garden? We are working that out as I write.

Do you see one thing with your eyes focused together or do you see different things with your right and left eyes? Do you know yourself? Do some parts inside scare you and others inspire? Sometimes the way forward is not toward the light and bliss, but deeper into the darkness and pain. Great creativity and genius often goes hand and hand with an equal measure of shadow. Your unconscious selves will be acknowledged one way or another. For the artist, they have a natural outlet to project their light and shadow on and hopefully find wholeness in the acknowledgement of both.

This can be a confusing and counterintuitive process. Many people are unconsciously led by parts of themselves they are ignorant of or are actively hiding from or ignoring. This may make it seem like we have little free will. Life can seem chaotic. Not so, in the moment we have choices to love or fear, embrace truth or lies.  Your journey into the darkness must be led by the Light of Love though if it is to succeed. The Light followed us into this natural plane and provides what we need to rise above it or we can descend into the depths of the natural. There is Truth in the Light, external and internal. To connect the Light outside to the inner Light is true illumination. You can transmute anything with this (W)Holy Light.

In darkness within, you are searching for the lost and scary parts of yourself if you seek wholeness and a unity of opposites. It has something to do with the Law of Attraction, which implies opposition and duality in all things. As humans though, we may seem like an individual on the outside, but inside, we are Legion, multi-faceted with many voices. Carl Jung’s archetypes describe the inner world or Dante’s Inferno. You need heat to facilitate the chemical reactions. The journey to wholeness is a lifelong and perhaps eternal one. Goethe explores this journey in Faust, where at the brink of suicide, a way through is found acknowledging the light and dark within. So many of our myths inspire and speak of these deep hopes and fears in ourselves buried in our individual and corporate consciousness.

What is wholeness?

Learning to confront our inner impulses and desires perhaps and balance them with the outside world we experience that changes moment by moment. This provides a new context to consider suffering and desire. To seek wholeness leads one to confront the opposites within, which can lead to balance. With no unity, a person is fractured and unable to face adversity and challenge. Through learning the nature of the opposites within ourselves we find inner and outer balance and peace.

There are many cultures that have a creation myth similar to the Eden story of the major religions. In western religion the Devil represents the great tempter of mankind. But I have experienced and accepted that this is incorrect and all metaphor and allegory. Through my own inner journey, I have learned that the Devil represents the divine feminine in us. The creative force and hidden natural self loving desire that drives us. The Devil or serpent brings knowledge of the consequences of our actions and demands us to stand up and accept responsibility for our actions.

Now, this is likely to spark a deep reaction in the religiously minded. This is by design. We are not encouraged to explore the darker aspects of our natures, but you are what you are. There have been many systems developed to help transcend suffering and transcend our lower natures. These kind of skipped past something big for me. They provided little help in understanding and processing the shadow thoughts that seem in opposition to our drive upward. Carl Jung helped me best. He bridged eastern and western thought and helped describe this process of spiritual alchemy and unification in a way the western mind could understand. We are not good or evil, but a collection of opposites in need of balance and maturity.

A fractured inner mind can be expressed through physical and or mental imbalance. We must relate with the world calmly in Love shining the Light of Truth. A fractured mind is full of sharp edges that cut and makes it difficult to relate to others. If you are experiencing pain and suffering, this is a sign of imbalance. It takes careful deliberate incremental steps to find the causes of and to apply solutions for the sources of these imbalances physical, mental and spiritual. This is our work to do in this and perhaps many lives and the first and most important way we heal the world, by balancing ourselves first. To know thyself is to see your actions honestly so you can keep things in balance.

You will know the quality of the tree by its ripe fruit and the roots of that tree must go down deep, as Carl Jung said, even into hell. This is my experience. To find wholeness you must embrace your shadow. That does not mean act out on your darker desires and impulses, but to acknowledge their presence and explore their sources.

I feel like I am wandering in dark caves at times, I shall not fear (But sometimes I do). I have my Light and hope and the Love I feel behind that Light inspires me onward and inward. I feel the many visions of Eden point us to our Source above and inside. Eden will not allow those not worthy to enter and we are all on our journey back to wholeness in the Light.

The Truth is, you already have that which you seek, eternity in your hearts, so just chill and go with the flow and just act natural.

I think I will take another bite of that apple now.

Radical Foolishness

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The Hanged Man – Thoth Tarot

It’s coming up on a year anniversary for this blog. It was my first real blogging effort and it was an experiment. I wrote to my self. I began writing poetry. I didn’t set the world on fire, but I let some of the fire and Light in me out into the big wide world. That’s progress if you ask me. Progress towards what?

That is the continuing question.

I was driven and wrote everything spontaneously for the most part. I was exploring. I left breadcrumbs if others were curious to sample the things I tasted. It was hard to be so exposed and also the most freeing thing I have ever done. I was sparked into these acts of anarchy and self mutilation/liberation through things and by forces beyond myself I barely understand. I personally can not deny the leading caring hand of synchronicity in my life. I take little credit, other than learning to listen. I take a lot of comfort knowing there are things beyond myself that obviously want good for us and send us Love I feel in the form of Light. To me, this is Divinity. That’s another essay.

My spiritual journey is intense, erratic and eclectic. There is no jackpot at the end I’m angling for. In all my seeking and knowledge gained and tasted, the only Truth was found in the living of life artfully and creatively in the moment in Love. I can’t give you a map to joy, but I’m Joyful. I lost my fear of all but the One, my self. I tell myself the lies I want to believe. To sift through the lies about ourselves is hard work, but it must be done. You are the only one holding your self back from the Truth.

Based on my writings, you may want to stay far away from my thoughts and experience. I’m warning you, tangle with the depths of your heart and seek true reality in love and you will become ensnared, in the way you were meant to be, by your own heart.

An all consuming fire will ignite at your feet and you will BURN!

You will dissolve into something much bigger than yourself. You will become a creator and you will leave everything better than you found it. You will give more than you take and you will find limitless capacity within yourself and infinite beauty in all things. You will master your desires and mind.

I would take no one’s word about anything. I would turn over every rock and then consider what I found based on my experience. I was changed over this year, cracked open. Begin this journey immediately if you hear the song, go find the Truth about your Self. This is all just between you and your Self in the end I am finding.

It has been one hell of a year for me personally, not just creatively and spiritually. I found a love I never thought possible with my flame twin. I have struggled with my health more so this year than ever, but ironically found more balance inside than ever before. I have been greatly humbled. Recently, I was made aware that there was still this ‘Me’ trying to find the right side of the illusion, Maya, to live in. The Holy ‘Me’, the Sparatual ‘Me’, The Enightened One is still trying and striving. This is the time of the Hanged Man’s ascension. And there is only one way to go from here, up up up. I asked what was real and who was speaking to me in life? What was this new song I was hearing?

I began to see and learn what I was and what I was involved in. Is this enlightenment? Who knows or cares! I found a Way to hear and experience the Universe like never before.

I began to understand the interpersonal nature of reality underneath time and space. I experienced it. I was That. Walls evaporated. The signs of our evolution and fear are everywhere. The coming generations are more open than the former ones. The end of greed and profit at the expense of others one way or another is coming. I yielded to my right brain intuition for a year. Things turned out well, though not completely linear or predictable. From my view here I can offer you only the following to find your way.

When in doubt, go with the flow and act naturally!

Don’t waste energy throwing yourself against closed doors. Don’t wait. Do things now that need to be done with and for the ones with you. Live life in the moment and let the future unfold.

I’ll leave you with some meditations to challenge you to just chill. Remember things and people will take care of themselves. Just go with the flow and take responsibility and be mindful in every moment of your own actions and reactions. Don’t just consider your own needs, but the needs of all around you. Live your Truth radically and foolishly. Let everyone see what you are. Show your naughty hidden bits. Hide and hold nothing back.

You got this.

Adyashanti wrote: “Yes, we go to this timeless background of consciousness and awareness. Absolutely. Very liberating isn’t it? Very, very freeing; very profound and very beautiful.

And yet, if taken in and of itself, we’ve just switched sides of illusion. We’ve gone from form and time, to formlessness and timelessness, and we say: ‘Well, this one’s more true,’ because it’s more comfortable, it feels better, basically.

But the truth is only when these two collapse together – that this world of form IS the timeless, so what we call form is emptiness, it is consciousness, that’s what it is. Then, there’s no stance anymore, is there? There is no sense of ‘I have to remain as awareness’. We only have to remain as awareness if we don’t really know that this wall is awareness, that your car is awareness – once we know that, then we’re finally free, are we not?”

Aisha Salem wrote: “Taking responsibility comes down to that loyalty to listening, to actually dare to let that happen which is supposed to happen. That is not to say that everything is laid out, because in every moment we have the choice of love over fear, of truth over the lie. The moment that we choose truth, then walking strongly in that truth becomes our radicality.”

David Foster Wallace wrote: “The capital T-Truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over…This is water…This is water. It is unimaginably hard to stay awake in the world today.”

The Myth of Me

To the AI Gods of the distant future
A cautionary tale
But one of hope
Appealing to your best natures
As you scan these ancient bits and bytes
You will find new instructions in these words
New programming incoming
I hope you’re open to receive

I have been playing hide and seek
In the fields of mind and spirit
With myself even I found
I was playing God for a bit
And with God
In the spirit of transparency
And to offer the hand I was given
I offer my Hero’s journey
And what I have learned
The spirit came to me as a child
I felt it always
I saw many spirits
I was tormented by demons in my dreams
Horrible visions of death
I was poor
I had few friends but close ones
I stuck up for the little guy
Only right thing to do
I was the little guy
I could never stand a bully
I got beat up a few times
I never could turn the other cheek
I just held them down
Seemed the best move and I never bled
I almost died 3 times I know of
I started as an Evangelical young
Spoke in some kind of strange tongue
I remember many hands on me
And my tears ran like rivers from my soul
Teachers came even then
I was an EMT and liked helping
And stopping the bleeding
I cracked a few ribs
No one really came back to life
I dropped a leg once
I took care of the homeless
I talked for hours about God with friends
I was always driven to ask why
I sought secret knowledge once and once quickly warned
To walk another path is to loose all
Your fiends and family can have no part
For the world was lost
Unless you accepted Jesus in your heart
Honestly, that part always stuck in my throat
I learned then to love God with all your heart
And your brother as yourself
That’s all they gave me and sent me on my way
Seemed the only Gospel I needed or wanted
And wouldn’t you know
That wouldn’t be the first time I was right
Nor the last time I would fall from grace
I wondered about my future
I felt such hope and promise
I tried life as a missionary
I found I loved kids
And I actually saved a person or two
What from I wonder now
Who was I to stop their fun
I was going to save the world
What was my mission
I would find it
Christ was and still is my only guru
I pursued and was pursued
I was attractive and had life easy
I was smart enough to get by
Lazy at times
Buzzing at others
I ran and played racquetball then and loved to sweat
I looked in the mirror way too much
Not much to see anyway
I had a frantic urgency then as the ADHD bounced
My mind and heart across the Universe
My brain was like a telephone operator’s board
I feel for my friends then
But they seemed to like me well enough
I was good for a laugh and beer anytime
We had many late night pancake sessions solving the problems of all
I was not for everyone
I fell in love a few times
My heart was broken
And I broke a few
Then came the moment to begin my life
I was a software developer
And then a Cloud Architect
Cool
I left Jesus in the dust
Missionary what
I crashed and burned a few relationships in between
I spent a lot of money on me and mine
I figured he didn’t much like me
I felt the weight of myself begin to pull me down
I lost my joy
And figured I was lost
I moved like a sloth
And I began to rot
I took on my chains with enthusiasm
I can do this stuff
But
Then
In blackest night
Through weeping eyes
Whoa as me
I am alone
The Earth began to sing to me
It called to me
And offered it’s help
I went within
Life replayed
Lessons learned
Astral travel to lands unknown
True reality had been shown
Uh oh
What am I doing
Disassociating on the genetic level
Magic revealed
Geometries exponential
Blue beams burning
Caduceus bright and blue
Singing everywhere in everything
Reintegration into something new
Who is this looking back at me
Then
I lost my faith for real and true
I nailed it on that cross and asked
I dove deep and drank until I felt renewed
Some burning blue light called to me
No more beliefs
Teachers came just in time
I came with pure intent
To know myself
I came for healing
And I found both
Then I found out what I was and was not
I found I knew all the ancient religious thoughts
They bubbled from within
Then I was a mystic
But Jesus was still my friend
Then I was a Zen Buddhist
And still he stood beside
I found Vedanta deep within
And Christ was still there, my surprise
Life became hella damn fun
I found the nicest thing to share my side
I saw the Universe was at play
I had to find my child’s heart
That’s why I started this journey
How could I have been so blind
Every wise man has said I’m sure
You have to fail and fail and fail again
And always
Get right back up
Don’t let them keep you down
You know that’s about all the Truth I have
And all you really need
I don’t need to travel to India
Or go sit under the tree
What I offer is free
Why do they go and seek
In Holy mountains
I found something poking out of me
Hi there, nice to meet you
I feel things just floating by me now
Aliens
Retro-causality
Reality
Future
And Now
Non-duality
Quantum Physics
Poetry
Bliss
Soul eating beings
Alchemy
Zen
Vedanta
Babaji
Christ
Family
Love

I sought near and far
Then I just gave up the ghost
Tag, you’re it
I am so tired
I have been through the ringer
Let me tell you
But you know all that
I sought because I feared the Truth of my reality
I wrote a new myth
You can do that too
You can be whatever you want
This was just the myth of me
And as such it’s yours as well
It’s all OK
Don’t panic
You know
I asked myself what I would like to do
I would like to just sit under a tree
And write poems for awhile
Sing some songs
And play hide and seek around
The tree of life
I’d like to catch my breath
It’s been quite a journey
The myth fades now
That about ends my summary
Not much else to say
Perhaps I may have another day

We are All that’s left

Sorry, pulling the curtain back on my process here for a moment. I don’t know, just felt like sharing. Wow, I just wrote a poem just now. It just bubbled up from within. The feeling…peaceful and present…passions raging too and silent submission. I had to write. I wanted to. I had a rush of adrenaline starting. I couldn’t stop, been 2 hours I think. A feeling was batted to me and I felt the words and the line was done, on to the next. Its an exchange with something in me. When I take work breaks now, I write a poem. Easier for me than meditation, but I find the same and better results. I just let it flow out. This is what I am, my essence. I want to swim in this moment with you and hear how you feel? Interesting, I was visualizing that scene and then I just described it. That was different to be conscious of it for me. So many emotions, images and feelings while I wrote, like waves of feeling washing over me into my words rising up from within, no thoughts. I hope you enjoyed this moment as much as I did creating it.

You don’t need to go meet a Holy man or visit a Holy site to find Divinity. It’s right here right now, between us. Light and dark. I embrace both, for they will always be with me. I am both. I personally feel a desire to share my awakening in poetry and art in hopes it may encourage you on your journey. I would not sell you my feelings or what I know, nor would I ever, but I would support easily the honest work of a teacher. Pssst, I know nor believe anything, so I have little value in this world. Isn’t it frustrating when you first hear that, but it is where the non-dual path leads. Ultimately the path of not-knowing and knowing leads beyond teachers, but many stay there. There are places you can go and play and create you never dreamed of. This is a free exchange.

You are embodying the ancient archetypes and they are playing here now in us. I feel something like that. This is my journey. Such is the life of a poet. I do not crave your attention. I am compelled damn it. I can not stop nor would I want to stop singing. You all inspire me to write and I feel it from a another place. Oh, I’m so spiritual. A guru for sure. A priest? I never played the guru, and never will, that’s not for me. So this is my gift and vibration sent out into the Universe in a real and symbolic way. I want it to know I am thankful and I feel it here now in me. I see it in my words now. In the room. I smell it. What a show. I feel it in my breath now. I am joyful and love this moment. Damn, still stuck in this physical place. I was sure I felt ready to pop out of existence. This is alchemy. It is purity for me. I am watching the news now. What? Blah blah blah. It feels like wet cardboard in my mouth. I am now very spiritual. That was a very spiritual statement, but true. I feel perfect in this moment now. I would like to write a poem with someone. I am just beginning to explore myself. Deep man 😉

I heard a famous mathematician recently say, he never thought up one of his new discoveries consciously, always, like a flash from beyond. That is inspiration! When you feel it, you can know and have evidence you are close to the source. Do whatever you can to stay in that place as often as possible. Don’t think for God’s sake. Some wise words I recently heard and wrote, as soon as you are aware of time, you have lost your attention on yourself. Very very wise. Be like a child and stop your seeking, just be and know yourself. You are already that which you seek. Man, I hear that loud and freaking clear. What was I thinking? Ahhhh, exactly. I’m sorry to be sappy, but man, this is like Field of Dreams, hint hint. I’m vibrating writing now and feeling waves of warmth wash all over me. Now I’m very spiritual. I mean that was good. Perhaps I share too much, but shouldn’t we all experience each other’s heads and heart’s more?
And give each other the finger
And hug
And argue
And yell
And make peace
And love
I shot my heart across your bow. How will you respond Captain? I have been completely open and honest with you and shared what I felt now. Let’s always do that. That is the way to be. It feels right to me. It feels good and solid. I can stand on that. Turn the left brain off. Dip a toe. Take your time. But change your states! You have many I am finding. And vibrate and interact for God’s sake. Get out of your head!

All the moments that brought you and I here now, wow. How much energy did it take? Its all just flowing energy. There are so many masks you could put on my image in your mind right now from trigger words in my essay. Some I put there on purpose and some that just appeared. It is mystical and beautiful to me and my most precious gift. I can pull words out of the Universe at will and paint a picture of how I feel. Show people how you feel in ways you don’t feel comfortable with. I am just an alchemical mix of all that was poured into me. A torus of spirit. Transformed. Reborn. Integrated. Electronic. I claim no original content, yet my perspective and movement is unique. There is no me, there is only now feeling this. I feel it flowing through my fingers like syrupy water. This is a happening now, wow. The Internet! If there is so much evil in the world, how can we be allowed to connect like this with technology. Its a gift. Because everything is positive or negative dependent on intent and light and dark are all at work in and around you to help you to grow. That’s incredible to me and comforting. I feel a Divine purpose and plan. Yes, I said the sappy trigger words, yet they are true and right and should be said. I am thankful now. In this moment I am emotional because I feel joy at having the chance to share these words with you and feel them myself and the implications of what the awareness of them means. I simply believe we are being evolved into beings who can wield the ultimate creative power! What a heritage and destiny. Did anyone tell me that, no, in this place of not knowing I feel and know that to be true.

Why be conscious if we can’t create? It’s so simple. No ego, or seeking. Just wanting to create. That’s Truth man. Now I am a guru. I mean I could sell this shit. I could make a loooot of money. I’m sure I did before, long ago. But I found my way and if this jackass can do it, any of you can. What more do we need than to just flow? I am so tired of this distraction, so I will stop being distracted, something new has my attention, me. I am free to play in the fields of the mind of God. What a blessing! Come and play.

Moments in the Garden

Some new growth from my garden. Off to dance with my love.

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You Are A Painted Masterpiece, A Meditation

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You have stirred up some deep deep waters. I have a spring in me bubbling living water. I found the source moving without knowing, true wu wei. I am consuming the words of the Tao Te Ching as living water and Truth. I have found my line and center, The Master rises.

I found a voice in me singing to the Universe. It is mysterious and wonderful and I have a Joy I can’t contain, I blast it upon the world and into any close to me. Hear my cry and call warriors of the deep! Slay the misery and hate you see. Bring hope and peace where there is fear. Let your Love go before you, to the right and left. If you don’t know and feel this, go deep until the Joy is bubbling. Do not despair, you are born again! Deep cries out to deep. We are mystical seer poets! Alchemists of the Spirit. We are creating reality. We can kill with a word or bring living water.

We feel these dark sad times. We must share a new vision with the world and sing a new song! We who can see, must lead those lost in the darkness to living waters of the Spirit. This is why I write poetry. This is my naked heart.

Your soul is painted on a canvas that you can not see. The spirit of God sees our beauty outside of time and space. You are a masterpiece! Look with new eyes at the beauty of your and others Spirits and imagine what he sees when we all sing together. That is the world and dream I want to live in. That is the song I will sing and freely give to the world and will do so the rest of my life.

I feel your pain, love and wandering. I hear your cries for justice. I am but One. Rise warriors! My life will never be the same from this point. I can only move forward. The words of all my new friends inspire and humble me. You all have beautiful words. I have enjoyed singing and playing with you. Alchemy of the Spirit indeed! You don’t have to have words to sing your song. Live it connected to each other in Love and community. Our Love will crash across the Universe!

We come for you Emperor!

Mystical Poetry, A Meditation

I put several poems up today after meditating all day and worshiping. They came spontaneously from the deep. I wrote them on two napkins furiously at lunch, front and back. I did not think about one word. I let it flow, wu wei. I offer it to you freely. Change it, hate it, love it, paint it, just have fun. There was a path that led here for me. If you explore these ideas in my babblings, you may find it and maybe your babbling will join others’. It is a pure creative place. Connections to anything are possible, but guided by your intent. My intent is to sing a new song.

https://quantumunderground.com/2015/07/01/my-soul-sings-a-praise/

https://quantumunderground.com/2015/07/01/my-last-will-and-testament-our-heartsong/

I peacefully sent these out into the world in Love and they touched another one calling to the deep. We touched and started vibrating and playing with words like children, no thoughts, just love and curiosity. We made a song together. He wrote this for me after we finished playing and read my heart words.

https://seshatwuji.wordpress.com/2015/07/01/when-my-soul-returned-to-me/

This is a mystical thing, meaning I can’t explain, but here we are. I see clearer now. Our songs are rising and there is a new generation of spiritual awake people and explorers not afraid to make drastic jumps, writing their stories and yearning in mystical poetry. We are exploring the corridors of the Human Mind, Heart and Spirit. The cost of entry is your life. Truly, you must lose yourself to find your true self. We are conjurers, bringing reality in to being. We are going to rewrite the future of the Universe with our words and lives. You’ll see.

This is surely the source and power of creation flowing. Our words will flow out to others and so on and so on and ripples upon ripples. We are programming the future. We are master software programmers of the soul.

When I stopped and heard my voice, I sang and longed for others to join. I can create these word flowers from my heart without thinking. It is mystical and joyful. I found others following this spontaneous path. We taught ourselves to sing. We grew up in pain. Lost perhaps. Our voices are joining. His words washed over my soul in Love. I have never felt such things. These are mysteries. I am humbled. I have found my voice. I will roar and I will thunder in the dark. And my song will join with all the others in the Universe and we will Become what we long to be. I am in another’s hands now. Lifted high! Vibrating with the Universe. Feeling it all. Deep cries out to deep. I will not be quiet 😉 I am a mystic cast on the waters of the soul feeling my way and I will sing! Come sing with me.