Evidence of Things Unseen

dervish_at_the_door

Sometimes, in my mind, when I let myself think about it, I’m terrified looking at my heart splashed out here on the Interwebs on this blog and other places. That is the best sign I am on the right track to know my Self I feel. Turn over every stone. My ego says delete that ASAP after writing less and less. My words stand as they came. Just like my bad choices and their consequences in my life stand, so do the good and great ones. Deciding to express myself creatively, actively and foolishly examining everything inside and around me, has brought me so much Joy and peace, I wouldn’t go back to my old self or life on my worst day. Being exposed and known for what you are, warts and all, is terrifying in the best way. I kind of love it now.

So, tip of the hat to all who can muster the courage to expose themselves with no hope of acknowledgement or agreement. Writing from love and the heart for no gain but to bring your Light and Love into the world does something to you. It does. It frees you from your self and the opinions of others. You have to stand alone sometimes. Terrifying to a monkey brain, but evolutionarily required it seems. I fear someone is going to come and get me sometimes. I’m good with crazy. Crazy is fun to read, right?  I just don’t want to be boring or too pedantic, but boring is good sometimes too.

Exploring the spirit in our culture unfortunately is not encouraged. You are encouraged to belong. The Ancient Mysteries used to be supported by the Greek and Roman state, now we are so driven by profit and corrupt, they would never support a spiritual school all attend. Only the wealthy or ones who can be used seem to be taught how to reason properly in their ivory towers. Only they have been trained great at thinking about how to rape the world and keep their foot on our necks. Is our society only valuable to a few people at the top? You will be isolated and removed like a virus if you rock things, unless you are part of the cure. I come from an Evangelical background. You don’t go looking into all religions from where I come from. Unfortunately, my heart and poems seem to have cost me access to my family and old friends. I have spent this last year writing as I felt inspired. I have been a square peg in a round hole my whole life. It sucks sometimes. It sucks to be so misunderstood. People I thought who would embrace me, just walked the other way.

So, to the reason I wrote this essay. Well, my writing and poems terrified my family to the point they will not let me see my Mother’s or Sister’s families. I just tell them I Love them and I do, so much. I stay out of their face. I’m no martyr, nor have a desire to be so. I want to celebrate and explore being alive here, now. I leave much unsaid, but what bubbles out is the expression of the life force poured into me from some other place. The personal rejection for sharing my heart hurt like hell in the beginning, which was a lesson. I guess that is a common Religious tactic for those who leave the fold, isolate and discredit them and finally torpedo their ship until its sunk. Interesting to experience it.

I encourage all to find and share their voices in spite of rejection, personal and professional. Hold your course and focus. Check your course often though. We need help sometimes. Weather the storms best you can until you find a good place to tie your boat to.  Where I led the way before in my family, now I am persona non-grata for asking questions and sharing answers no one I know from my past wants to hear or see. I stay away and do not seek to agitate. I only hoped for a detente or a live and let live. There is no argument with my family from my side. Funny, everyone was fine with me living messing my life and others’ up for 20 years, but to awaken and write about a peace I have never known is the terrifying part that has branded me with a scarlet letter with friends and family. There is a great lesson there for me and evidence of the things unseen I know and feel. It is an excellent confirmation I am on to something here.

Whaaaaaaa me. I’m the dumb dumb who didn’t keep his lips hermetically sealed. I’m exploring here and remembering my Self. I move with no thinking in the creative place as much as I can. It’s messy and not calculated. I am as far from calculated as you can be. The spirit encourages me to be sincere and open with my heart every place I go and with every person I meet now and pursue when led. Be quiet most of the time. I write to my Self.  I am sharing the email from my Sister below that clarified their position. She never reads anything I write, so no problem posting it 😉 I had asked to restore contact. They had read my email until the point they disagreed and then I got this email below. I am not looking for sympathy. I’m a big boy, but I felt led to share it. Not to shame, but explore the thinking that separates people and families. This is the mind set you face sometimes in Religion. Its a lot easier for you start out believing nothing with no faith maybe when starting to explore thyself.

I feel anyone can find themselves anywhere they are, so I could care less what you are or call you self. I am a student of the Universe. I have no creed but Love. I listen to all and follow none. I only encourage people to be real and love first and judge…never. I know I am on the right track for me. I am responsible for my self and my actions. Perhaps my sister and I will laugh about this one day. But I accept that they may never be able to accept my presence in their life again like they did. That makes me sad, but there is much to learn through this. Then I remember all have to walk their own path. We are all students. But, to this day, I can’t understand how they never asked me one question about what happened to me. Not one. They only told me I was cursed and lost. As my life blossoms like never before they condemn me. I know the lesson there. I’ll tell you a secret, no, that’s what got me in trouble in the first place. See, I’m learning 😉 It goes slowly.

Listen bro,

XXXX just read some of what you wrote. For real. XXXX, you are NOT Jesus. Period.

I wonder if your awareness of “Self”/let you see into the future let you see your family waving good bye and weeping over you.

Keep Denying your first love, keep disrespecting our only true God. I’ll be sad to say good bye at the parting of ways. Sad.

You are not all seeing, you are not God. You are not I AM. You are not. You are LOST.

YOU are a false prophet. A self centered false prophet.

You, unfortunately, will not have any contact with our family nor our children while you are in this state.

Much of this is like sweet nectar. It also is evidence of things unseen. There you have it. Well, I understand their reaction. I do. I love them so much, but I love my self most. Yes, I am totally Self centered. I’m going to print this one out huge to remind myself never to judge another’s sincere personal exploration, ever. I wish you well with yours.

I wanted to share a great poem provided me in a dark time by Rumi. I will always be a witness of and share the Love Rumi writes of so beautifully and humanly.

Dervish At the Door – By Rumi

A dervish knocked at a house
to ask for a piece of dry bread,
or moist, it didn’t matter.

“This is not a bakery,” said the owner.

“Might you have a bit of gristle then?”

“Does this look like a butchershop?”

“A little flour?”

“Do you hear a grinding stone?”

“Some water?”

“This is not a well.”

Whatever the dervish asked for,
the man made some tired joke
and refused to give him anything.

Finally the dervish ran in the house,
lifted his robe, and squatted
as though to take a shit.

“Hey, hey!”

“Quiet, you sad man. A deserted place
is a fine spot to relieve oneself,
and since there’s no living thing here,
or means of living, it needs fertilizing.”

The dervish began his own list of questions and answers.

“What kind of bird are you? Not a falcon,
trained for the royal hand. Not a peacock,
painted with everyone’s eyes. Not a parrot,
that talks for sugar cubes. Not a nightingale,
that sings like someone in love.

Not a hoopoe bringing messages to Solomon,
or a stork that builds on a cliffside.

What exactly do you do?
You are no known species.

You haggle and make jokes
to keep what you own for yourself.

You have forgotten the One
who doesn’t care about ownership,
who doesn’t try to turn a profit
from every human exchange.”

Peace from a lost false prophet.

You Are Limitless

Take that in to yourself. Think about it often. Believe that to be true about yourself. I don’t know if you know this, but you are limitless. I am not selling a “Program”, nor am I listening to too much Oprah. I have been meditating on and experimenting with that idea. That idea draws a lot out of me. Part of me immediately says, “No you’re not!”. I begin to realize there are several “I”s in me fighting to come to the fore. It takes a focus of will to keep the reality of my limitlessness in my mind. Nothing will show you more all the things trying to distract you, than when you to try to focus on ONE thing. If you are limitless, what limits you, the world or yourself?

in·tu·i·tion
ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: intuition
the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

There is a purity in letting things present themselves in response to our actions, for it does take action to make change, can’t escape cause and effect. Part of the secret is to embrace that things are always changing. You do not need to think to decide a course of action. Try that. Thinking is useful in understanding what has just occurred though or to communicate awareness to others. Thinking helps you adapt to your environment, for we were designed for adaptation. It’s very freeing to experiment with action with no thought. Where does that intuitive impulse come from? Have you ever wondered? Some people naturally live by intuition, while others must unlearn a lot to learn to live this way.

Intuition is guided by intent. If you live for your own needs only, you will eat everything and ultimately yourself. Everything exists to serve you and your needs.  If you live your life in balance, considering other Things’ needs in balance with your own, you find “steady breath” in living. There is no planning, no desire, there are needs, but choosing things with balance, things kind of take care of themselves. Living life can become as un-conscious as breathing. This is what I am learning, how to live as naturally as breathing.

With this knowledge and learned skill you will find that you quickly can exceed previous limits, naturally. The things you are will begin to express themselves purely in the moment when needed. Every moment presents a new opportunity to grow and tweak the program, push the stick. I have learned living this way can fuel explosive creativity. Expressing yourself creatively helps to increase your ability to live intuitively. Most discoveries were moments of inspiration, no thought involved. If you are limitless, then so is everyone else. You should listen to All of them. If nothing else, you can see the valleys and heights you can aspire to, but go further. Always push further.

When you are done comparing yourself to everything else, then your true life can start. If you see things in others you admire, then take those traits in, if you see things ugly in you in others, let them go. Don’t filter the action through the conditioned mind. Just act with creative and compassionate intention and you will be guided to your best self. See everything around you as a mirror, showing you your strengths and weaknesses in the moment. Let things be settled in the moment. The choice you make now creates the future. Live every moment with no limits and you will be limitless. You still live in a material Universe though, right, so maybe there are limits, but maybe not if there is an infinite field of probability that is the real reality underneath the projection around you.

It will all work itself out if you live in the moment limitless, you will be your future, no fortune tellers needed. If you bring the limitlessness that is you into the world, you can make it what you want and wisdom begins when you want nothing. Could your consciousness be the key?

Is Naturalness Dead?

Is the Universe knowable or unknowable? Based on recent Large Hadron Collider findings, it appears a knowable natural Universe is unlikely. What might this mean? It means our Universe might be a bubble in the Multiverse, an infinite number of other Universes, created and tuned for our existence, not determined and predictible, which makes me kind of happy. Arkani-Hamed, one of the greatest theoretical Physicists alive today, laid out the seemingly contradictory implications of recent experimental results at the LHC after the Higgs discovery.

“The universe is inevitable,” he declared. “The universe is impossible.”

Most Physicists feel that there is something more fundamental to nature than the experienced dimensions. Our reality emerges from more fundamental structures. Arkani-Hamed discovered a new geometric pattern that can simply predict particle interactions, an amplituhedron. This natural structure emerged from the math and is a simple version of quantum mechanics at the most fundamental level. Geometric structures explaining reality, interesting. The geometric object is an example of the most fundamental logic of the Universe: describing intersecting lines and planes. It appears the motion and history of the Universe is encoded in this pattern. In unpublished work, he feels the interchangeability of points and lines in the geometry of the amplituhedron may be the origin of a mysterious mathematical duality between particles and strings. Everything emerging from crossed lines.

amplutihedron_span

This puts Einstein’s dream of a natural, beautiful, inevitable(determined) and self contained Universe in jeopardy. I’m an engineer, not a Physicist, but I am always trying to understand my experienced reality skeptically. Well, I seek less to now understand reality and focus more on the best way to experience it resulting in maximum spiritual growth. I think reality is just a game and we are all players on it’s stage. I’m not going to take your word for it or anyone else’s. My question, could the Multiverse not be a real time reality, meaning, infinite possibilities existing concurrently in different Universes? If all possibilities are possible in the Multiverse, the rest and best realities exist out there.

Supposedly string theory, an attempt to unify Einstein’s relativity with Quantum Mechanics, the sub-atomic world of particles, supposedly has 10 to the 500 possible Universes in the Multiverse in 10 possible dimensions, we live in the first 3. That is not intuitive to humans. More and more the physics anomalies are growing, we are missing something. See Thomas Khun’s book, “The Structure of Scientific Revolutions”. Considering the effect of consciousness on reality may be part of what is missing.

The Anthropic Principle is the Law of Human Existence. It is well known that our existence in this universe depends on numerous cosmological constants and parameters whose numerical values must fall within a very narrow range of values. This does not make sense to most Physicists also, thus was born the Multiverse theory. I think the Multiverse exists as potential, and answers the question, how could we be so lucky? That is just an intuitive statement and just my opinion.

From the string theorist most Physicists feel is the brightest among them, Edward Witten, “I would be happy personally if the multiverse interpretation is not correct, in part because it potentially limits our ability to understand the laws of physics. But none of us were consulted when the universe was created.”

Einstein said, “Religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law and this feeling is the guiding principle of his life and work.” My life is no different than that, I have a sense of awe at the Universe and am trying to figure out my place in it. I stopped caring so much what it is.

All of this makes me excited and affirms what I feel intuitively. I am not looking for the God of the gaps. I know the creative force that created the Universe, I feel it and experience it. You will never have all the answers. The answers are not the point. The point may be the questions and how you ask them and more importantly how you experience the Universe.

We can never know what exactly the Universe is if we exist in a Multiverse. We can not test this theory. Is this the end of Science? I hope it is a humbling time for Science. Because we all need some humility seeking to unlock such secrets. Perhaps in our current state we can not see more than the matter we are made of. What do you know?

Arkani-Hamed, a hero of mine and a great person and Physicist(like a child), found success by pursuing his own ideas with unbridled enthusiasm, politely disregarding naysayers and tackling obstacles head-on. I will try to be worthy of this mantle of great seekers in my pursuits. They are looking for more hints from nature to understand what the Universe is and want to build bigger colliders. I think this struggle of Physics reflects our internal spiritual struggles and striving. It was spiritual for Einstein. I believe the way forward will be born from a synthesis of the natural and the spirt. We are half blinded in our search. I think Science and spirit are complimentary, but beneficial or destructive based on your intent. You manfiest your own reality I believe. I wasted my life for so long on meaningless material pursuits.

No more!

No limits!